DATING, DESIRE, & SEXUAL INTEGRITY with Kat Harris — Purity Culture vs. Hookup Culture — Sexual Ethics — Dating Advice — Personal Development — Spirituality —

If you’re caught between purity culture & running free like a wild, liberated woman, trying to navigate dating and sexual integrity…this episode is for YOU. In this episode Kat Harris & I talk about sex, lack of sex, sexual ethics, & personal boundaries!

Enlightened friends, it’s been a while since I have had a progressive Christian voice on the podcast. If you didn’t already know, I am a spiritual, but not religious girl, who has deconstructed (and is still deconstructing) from Christianity. I promise today’s guest is incredible, open-minded, full of love, and wisdom.

Kat Harris is the host of The Refined Collective Podcast, and Co-Founder of the online publication The Refined Woman. The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ, Forbes, People, Who What Wear, US Weekly, Glamour UK, and more. She coaches and equips women all over the world in dating, relationships, singleness, sexuality, faith and how to build a renewed and healthy biblical sexual ethic rooted in freedom, truth and grace as opposed to the oh-so-common shame and fear narratives so many experienced growing up in evangelical culture. Ultimately, her vision is for women to know their beauty, identity, worth and value and to experience untapped freedom and joy in their lives regardless of their relationship status. Kat’s book is incredible, and I want to share the synopsis…because this will give you a little clue of what this episode will be all about:

A b o u t  “S e x l e s s  I n  T h e  C i t y”

“Let’s face it: being single in today’s culture as a woman of faith can be a struggle fest. But it doesn’t have to be. With real talk and straight wisdom, speaker, podcaster, and founder of The Refined Woman Kat Harris says it’s time for a new conversation about singleness, sex, and desire. 

Growing up at the height of the purity movement, Kat knew this much: good Christians don’t have sex until marriage. But approaching 30 and thrust into the New York City dating scene, she found a set of rules was not a compelling enough reason to keep her clothes on. Caught between purity culture’s rules and popular culture’s do what feels good, Kat began a multi-year journey searching for answers to the biggest questions about sexuality and faith.”


This episode covers topics like:

  • What is sexuality and who does it belong to
  • How to deconstruct negative ideologies surrounding your sexuality
  • What is sex and how do I know if I’m ACTUALLY abstaining from it
  • How to identify physical boundaries in dating without falling into legalism, fear, or shame
  • How modern research and science proves there’s no such thing as casual sex 
  • The “Disgust Response” and why you need to know about it!
  • How to develop a holistic & healthy sexual ethic 
  • Positioning yourself for a long term relationship or whatever you really want rather than settling for crumbs 
  • The instant ‘spark’, the ‘one’, and the truth about lasting intimacy 
  • How to know if he’s emotionally unavailable or only looking for a casual fling 


Stay in touch with Kat Harris:


The love of God inside of me honors the love in you. Namaste, My Friends.

I hope you benefit from ENLIGHTENED, the podcast by me, Sophia Spallino, an audible experience that leaves you feeling at peace, encouraged, and in touch with your soul.

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With infinite love and gratitude, I pray that peace be with you. xo Sophia (@SophiaSpallino on Instagram)

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